So, in light of the increasing food prices (try not to panic, people!) and the fact that I want to save a few bucks, I’m making a conscious effort to budget my grocery shopping. I like grocery shopping and I do it often. I buy lots of produce and I’m a sucker for spendy natural and organic products. I don’t know what I spend in an average month, but it’s likely a lot for one person. To remedy this, I’m going to buy a gift card from a grocery store (Copp’s is more expensive than Woodman’s, but they have nicer produce and a kick ass bulk bin section), stock it with $100, and try to live off of it during the month of June. I might have it a little easy this month, since Shaun and I will be on vacation for 10 days. However, we’re going to bring food along and still try to eat cheaply.

The challenge won’t just be to eat cheaply–I still want to eat quality. No boxed crap, no Ramen, no Spam. I’m going to stick as closely as possible to a vegan diet, although I might allow eggs in the cart if things get too tight. I’m planning on lots of beans, rice, rolled oats, peanut butter, nuts, hummus, falafel, pasta, and produce.

Tomorrow I’ll go to the store and start his experiment. For the record, I currently have a decent stock of the following: oats, black beans, cornmeal, odd grains I don’t use much, flaxseed, dried fruit, almonds, pasta, flour, some peanut butter, and some frozen bread products. Tomorrow I’ll use a large chunk of the $100 to buy nonperishables and I’ll allow maybe $10/week for produce.

Game ON!

So, people on the street are talking about how Oprah is going vegan for 3 weeks and how wonderful it is that she’s bringing attention to veganism, etc etc.

I call shenanigans on that!

I’m sorry, but she’s not really going vegan and she’s certainly not doing it cause she thinks veganism is a good thing to do. Her diet is really this bs-y “21 Day Cleanse” that just happens to include eschewing all animal products. She’s not doing it for animal rights or the environment–she’s doing it to drop a couple of lbs while “detoxing” her body. Oh, yeah, and she’s following some “expert’s” diet book—hmm, I wonder if there was any money exchanging hands there. It’s just a huge marketing campaign, for fuck’s sake! I won’t even start on how detoxing is a giant scam that stupid women seem to think is necessary/healthy.

I used to secretly like Oprah, but now I hate her because she’s developed her own cultish brand that yuppy women salivate over. There’s her magazine (Here’s a joke that my bro recently told me: “Do you know who’s on the cover of Oprah this month?” “Oprah!”), her stupid book club, her stupid car giveaway, her endorsement of Obama (I heart Obama, but why the hell do people care who Oprah is gonna vote for??), and her minions. Let’s not forget Dr. Phil, people. Dr. Phil.

Anyway, I could go vegan for 21 days, easy. I’d be doing it for the animals AND the environment, not to flipping detox! See, I’m already there:

Breakfast was oatmeal made with almond milk, flax, banana, and peanut butter.

Lunch was a leftover Qdoba veggie burrito with guac, no cheese.

Snack was two vegan cupcakes.

Dinner was falafel, hummus, roasted red pepper dip, tapenade, and pita.

Snack was 3 leftover gorgonzola stuffed, bacon-wrapped dates that I made for my parent’s anniversary party.

Um..bacon is vegan, right? And gorgonzola??

Dear god, words cannot express how much I love this song. Cyndi Lauper is such an incredible actress. She’s definitely on par with Sean Astin…

Recently Shaun and I went on a bike ride to the Arboretum. The lilacs were (are) in bloom and we wanted to smell them. Cause you can get high. Okay, not really, but they smell very nice. The Arb has 21 different varieties of lilacs. That’s according to the cashier at Trader Joe’s. She had to get the job somehow, and it coulda been because of her stellar knowledge of lilac varieties. Who knows.

Besides the lilacs, the other exciting part of this story is that it was my first big bike ride on My New Bike. I call him Swifty McQuick-Quick. Or S. McQ for short. I used to have a nice bike when I was in college. I was afraid to tear him away from the small town that we grew up in and plop him down in the middle of the Big (comparatively speaking) City. But I did and he loved it. He brought me to class occasionally and I enjoyed it. Then one day, I went to pick him up and all I found was his front tire. It was horrifying. I never really got over it, and the next bike I bought was $60 from Shopko. It was bright red, so that was cool. It rode like hell though and I scorned it.

Now, 4 or 5 years later, I’m healed and ready to move on with another sweet bike.

Me and S. McQ

Shaun and I rode our bikes to the Arb all the way from my house. Maybe 4 miles. I’ll say 5. Five whole miles! I was nervous, I’ll be honest. I walk a lot so I’m used to slow moving. Bikes are fast. Cars are faster. It was good though. S. McQ treated me well and went up hills like a champ. I only got a little grumpy when Shaun was trying to teach me how to change gears. I’m single-minded. I can’t steer AND balance AND not crash AND figure out how to change gears.

We got to the Arb in no time and we wandered around, smelling the lilacs.

Then we had a secret, illegal picnic. With bread and pesto and cheese. And olives!

Then we rode home. My nether regions started to get sore on the way home, but I was only a little whiny. Only moderately whiny, really. It was a nice excursion.

Shaun took all these photos, so I’ll be fair and not take credit for them. Way to go, Shaun!

This is a good example of how I dress for work.

A shirt with buttons and a collar. Nice.

Dress pants. Not bad.

And Chacos. Very g–oh shit.

So, as you may or may not know, I’m an environmentalist. It’s my job, so I don’t really have a choice about it. However, it’s generally not enough to only be an environmentalist on the job. I gotta do it at home too. And I try very hard! I buy eco-friendly (and expensive) all purpose cleanser & dishwashing detergent and recycled content paper towels and garbage bags. The garbage bags don’t work very well, p.s., and they rip a lot. But I deal with it because I care. Nearly all of my lightbulbs are CFLs. I recycle (okay, not all my paper, but I’m working on it, Shaun, so lay off!). I walk to work because I’m too cheap to pay for parking I heart the earth.

There’s still more I could be doing though, so here are my new eco-goals.

1) Eat lower on the food chain (vegan whenever possible, vegetarian as much as possible, meat only when it looks too tasty to resist)
2) Bike more
3) Recycle all my junk mail
4) Start a worm compost bin!

YOU’RE WELCOME, EARTH!

I’m a pretty healthful eater, with the exceptions of my secret love of Taco Bell and a few other odds & ends. However, I do definitely consume way too many drinks containing artificial sweetners, such as diet soda and Kool Aid. (See previous post about Kool Aid. I’ve had about a gallon per day since that post.) So, here’s the big proclamation: Henceforce, I will not consume anything containing artificial sweetners! Thank you, thank you. I’m starting right NOW cause I already had a diet soda this afternoon. Whoopsies.

I was going to go to my new gym after work the other day. However, I was still mega sore from my last class in which we did crazy mat exercises. Like crawling and leap frogging. I don’t know why babies aren’t more ripped. Anyway, I also had a terrible terrible war wound from class:

Plus, I’m lazy. So in lieu of class, I decided to make up a big ole batch of my new favorite drink, a blast from the past!

Kool Aid! Tastes just like I remember it from my childhood. However, I didn’t need to put in the whole cup of sugar that my brother and I used to add, cause this kind is sugar free. That’s right–artificial sweetener AND artificial colors! The best of both worlds.

Admire that color! Tastes like cancer!

So I drink like a 5 year old. Whatever. Don’t judge me. Besides, I may have added a bit of this!

I was leaving the laundromat tonight, having just thrown my laundry into the dryer. I noticed a woman walking through the parking lot, hauling, with some difficulty, an old leather suitcase. I waited a moment so I could hold the door open for her. She thanked me and I headed on my way. I went to the drugstore, where I purchased certain essential items. Like the new Snickers Adventure Bar! Mmm…tastes like Indy. And adventure. And not any different from the old, Non Adventure bar.

I went back to the laundromat to retrieve my laundry and sat on a table, watching my undies tumble dry. The suitcase lady was still there and she walked up to me. I had trouble understanding what she said, but she held out a box of laundry detergent to me and basically said that she wanted to give it to me. Cause I opened the door for her. I resisted at first, but quickly accepted, because I didn’t want to look like a dick. She was dressed nicely, but she was missing a front tooth. She may or may not have had a bunch of wispy hair on her chin, but I didn’t want to look too closely. I thanked her for the detergent and she went back to her chair. Another minute or two later, she came back to where I was sitting. Again, I had problems understanding her, but she said she wanted to thank me because the last time she was there she had to open the door by herself, which was hard for her to do.

On my way out, I thanked her again and said goodbye. She stopped me and asked if I ever went to the cafe down the street. I replied that I did sometimes. She said she went there a lot because she lived nearby. At this point we introduced ourselves.

Then she said, “Maybe you’ll stop in sometime when I’m there and we could have coffee and chat.”

I told her that I would love to.

Here’s the text of my artfully crafted art project description.

Quill Induced Temper Tantrum

The tortured mind of an office worker is displayed in stunning depth and clarity. Perched atop a business card, the foundation of any professional’s identity, shiny utilitarian paper clips have been twisted and bent into hideous shapes. Tortured into submission, the paper clips represent the pointless and meaningless ways a professional will attempt to attain success. the now useless paper clips illustrate the futility and desperation of such actions.

A rubber band, broken and devoid of its former function, twists desperately around the base of the tower, attempting to free itself. Although a piece dangles off the edge hopefully, the remainder is inexorably stuck and unable to follow without imminent strangulation.

Medium: paper clips, rubber band, extremely toxic adhesive

Are you blown away??